Sunday, December 18, 2011

Single With Benefits: The Benefits of Being Single for the Holidays

source:  sanfranannie,

I am single because I was born that way.
Mae West
Soon, I'll prop some holiday cards around my place to make it more holiday-ish.  Currently, my abode looks about the same as it did in summer with the exception of the re-appearance of my portable heater.  Over the last few days, I've been thinking about the benefits of being single/alone during the holidays.  Here, in brief are some of the benefits that have roamed through my mind:

1.  Freedom to deck the halls as one chooses.  You can display holidays cards, a wreath, or nothing at all.

2.  No doubt about who's eaten the holiday leftovers.  When living on your own you know who ate the last slice of pie.

3.  Instead of waiting for someone to buy you a certain gift, you can buy it for yourself.

4.  More money to spend on yourself for a gift.

5.  Free to flirt without residual guilt.

6.  Can design your own holiday tradition.  Perhaps you can go to the movies, read all day, enjoy a day spa, map out your plans for next year, or window shop.

7.  Less stress about which holiday gathering to attend.

What additional singular benefits can you think of?  If you enjoy spending the holidays alone, what suggestions would you give to those spending the holidays alone for the first time?  Feel free to post a question or comment below.  Your feedback is appreciated. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Your Singular Holiday

source:  the green gal,

Over the last couple of weeks, I've had passing conversations with women--some single, one not--who have groaned at the thought of the holidays.  Their reaction implied that the holidays were to be endured instead of enjoyed.  As for myself, I'm slightly looking forward to the holidays.  While I've probably missed most of the holiday sales and I'm not wearing reindeer-embossed sweaters, I am upbeat about having time off and visiting family during the holidays.

If you're dreading spending the holidays alone, then here are some suggestions on making your holidays blissful instead of blah-ful.   Please, note I know that not all singles are spending the holidays alone and some that are may welcome the calm and quiet.  OK, onto the tips..

1.  Spend 10 minutes, brainstorming what you appreciate about yourself.  You could make categories such as:  Physical, Emotional, Special Quirks, Memorable Triumphs, Accomplishments, Compliments Received and list your positives under each category.  When you're feeling down, you can read the list to remember your cool qualities.

2.  Be aware that it's your choice to enjoy the holidays or not.  Perhaps you do need a time-out or a pity-party for yourself.  If so, then go for it but be careful to not overindulge.  Even better, you can have your pity-party before the holidays and then enjoy the holidays with a renewed sense of energy.

3.  Get some fresh air.  I live in California so it's pretty simple for me to tack this one on.  By going outside and walking you'll be energizing your body instead of stewing at home. 

4.  Connect with other singles.  No, I don't mean online dating although I know that option's available.  Instead, read blogs by singles so that you can realize that you're not completely alone.  You could also host a party or plan an outing with other single friends/relatives.

5.  If you're missing the holidays, then why not make your place more festive?  You can rent holiday music and movies from the library, buy a special mug, a holiday card or candles.  If you're living alone, you've got full run of the place and can make your place as festive as you wish,

6.  Journaling/venting.  I like to journal but some people may have other ways of releasing emotional stress.  If journaling, drawing, singing or dancing helps you to unleash your emotions then do one of those activities.  Sometimes feeling down can be a way of bringing to your attention to an experience/feeling that needs attention.  Appreciate the time and the opportunity that you have to self-reflect.

If the idea of doing the above activities, annoys you or simple doesn't suit you.  No worries.  You have to discover what works best for you.  Maybe you want to lay in bed during the holidays or you want to spend time volunteering.  That's perfectly fine.

This is your life

What I hope for is that you empower yourself by being aware of when you are choosing to be in a down mood.  Being alone for the holidays should not be equated to being unhappy during the holidays.  You can choose to relish or dread the holidays.  If you're choosing to dread the holidays, then compassionately acknowledge that.  Don't heighten your "bad" mood by feeling bad about feeling bad.

All right, I'm off my soapbox.  : ) 

Do you intend to enjoy or endure the holidays?  Feel free to post a question or comment below.  Your feedback is appreciated.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Are You A Relationship Coach?

It was funny thing but a few days ago when I googled "life coaching+singles" or "life coaching for singles," most of the results which came up weren't life coaching but relationship coaching.  While scrolling through the well-intended sites, I got the feeling that being single was some kind of odious sickness that a person had to be cured of.  On her website, Coach Yvonne Chase even humorously uses the tagline of "You're single, not sick.  Enjoy the ride." to remind potential clients to lighten up about being single. 

And she's right:  You're not sick or in need of curing.  You're simply a single person who has her own unique issues whether it's balancing life, setting boundaries with friends & family members, practicing self care, or even managing your dating life. 

My desire with A Singular Life is to coach people who are single or living single (in a relationship but live separately) as they are.  I'm not a relationship coach and you're more than your relationship status. Some singles do want to be in relationship, some do not.

Alas, whether you're single or living single, start now to celebrate your status and appreciate the singular person that you are!

Have a question or comment?  Feel free to post a comment below.  Coaching?  Send an e-mail to for a unique complimentary session.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Support for Singles

I created this blog in conjunction with a new life coaching business, A Singular Life, which I'll be launching in January 2012.  In this marriage-minded, couple-geared world, I wish to support those who are now single to enjoy their single lives.